Finding Safety in Choice: Healing from Burnout and Anxiety
Choice as Safety: An Unexpected Realization
This topic came up during my own therapy session today, and it gave me pause. For so long, I believed that safety came from knowing exactly what I wanted, following a clear path, sticking to what was familiar, and holding onto control. But recently, I’ve been learning that safety can also come from something else: choice.
Why Choice Feels Grounding
Choice opens up space. It allows me to say no, to express preferences, and to experiment with directions instead of feeling locked into one “right” answer. When I have options, I notice grounding rather than anxiety. There is permission to explore and try things on. Even without a clear map, I know the path is one I’ve chosen.
Having a choice feels different from being told what to do. When direction is imposed, it can feel diminishing, as if my own knowing doesn’t count. But when I choose, I give myself the chance to gather data, learn from experience, and build self-trust in real time.
The Cultural Weight of Having No Choice
For many of us who grew up in families or cultures where duty, expectations, or survival needs came first, choice was not always part of the picture. We learned to override our desires, not only to keep the peace but also to be seen as good, obedient children. Affirmation often came through compliance, while stepping outside could feel like risking love and belonging.
As adults, we may default to the vision of others, almost forgetting how to choose for ourselves. Yet our bodies remember. Resentment lingers. Impostor syndrome takes root. These are the echoes of silenced knowing.
Choice as an Antidote to Burnout and Resentment
When I honor choice, I feel less likely to fall prey to patterned ways of being that no longer serve me. I feel less trapped by the expectations of others. This does not mean abandoning responsibility. It means aligning my actions in ways that keep me from feeling small, minimized, or regretful. In this way, choice becomes a protective buffer against burnout.
Living Into Agency
Cultivating agency is not always about big, life-changing decisions. Sometimes it is about permission to play, to experiment, and to own both our choices and their outcomes. It is learning to step in the wrong direction and then problem solve our way back. It is getting comfortable with mistakes without self-blame or condemnation.
When we live only in the vision of others, that learning is taken from us. With choice, I can feel the shape of my own life again, and within that there is a deep sense of safety.
What choices in your life feel most like your own right now? And where do you notice yourself living from the vision of others?
If you are curious about how cultivating agency and self-trust might support your healing from burnout or anxiety, I invite you to request request a Free Consultation or try an Exploration Session, a one-time, 45-minute experience to see how therapy might work for you.
