The Cost of Being "Good at It"
For high achievers, overfunctioning often masks a nervous system nearing collapse. Dr. Shirley Ley discusses the transition from chasing external praise to building internal boundaries. By developing an "internal coach" to manage task-switching and limit-setting, we can move away from catastrophic thinking and toward a sustainable way of working that preserves energy for what truly matters.
As a recovering overfunctioner, I used to be an expert at the high-stakes game of multitasking. For a long time, I mistook this for high functioning. I chased the praise that came with being the person who could handle it all, using external validation to quiet the internal whisper that I wasn't quite good enough.
But in my forties, the skill became too heavy to carry.
My nervous system finally protested. I had spent years promising my body rest that never arrived, because every time I finished a task, I simply filled the silence with more work. Eventually, the system gave out. I reached a point where even the most automatic habits—like waking up to brush my teeth—felt like climbing a mountain. I had to ask myself: How did I create a context where my body became afraid of failing at basic hygiene?
I realized that when life-giving tasks are no longer seen as achievements because they aren't "productive" or worthy of a status update, we lose our anchor. I had internalized a voice that told me these basic acts of self-care were merely expected and therefore deserved no kindness.
Getting out of this cycle is a work in progress, but the shift began when I developed an internal coach.
This coach helps me manage the "catastrophic mode" that kicks in when I try to fortune-tell the future. When my mind jumps ten steps ahead, my coach steps in to remind me of my current job. It is much like walking my dogs; there is a distinct difference between a "potty walk" and a "play walk." When they have a specific job, they stick to it. My job is to stay in the present moment and finish the single task at hand before I am allowed to look at the next.
However, we don't live in a vacuum. Work cultures often demand that we jump ahead, creating a constant violation of our energetic boundaries. This is where the internal coach becomes a protector. We have to rely on that voice to set limits, ensuring we don't spend all our energy in one place and leave nothing for ourselves.
Learning to say "that isn't my job right now" is more than a productivity hack. It is an act of self-preservation. It is how we ensure that the most important things—our health, our families, and our own internal peace—finally get the energy they deserve.
